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Building a trusting relationship with your direct reports goes beyond the professional realm; it delves into understanding their authentic selves, encompassing aspects of work, family, friends, and hobbies.
However, respecting their boundaries is paramount. Even though you might believe that sharing our personal lives is beneficial for a team member and the team as a whole, this issue can never be forced.
Many may feel uncomfortable sharing a part of their life that they usually keep hidden or separate from their work environment.
Before delving into strategies, remember that authenticity is non-negotiable. Your actions must stem from a genuine interest and sincere care for the person. Any hint of ulterior motives will erode trust and harm the relationship.
Should you find it hard to develop a genuine interest in the person in front of you we encourage you to seriously reconsider your career. People management might not turn out to be fulfilling for you.
Share snippets of your life first, allowing them the choice to reciprocate. Keep it light initially, discussing experiences like a travel experience, a recent film you enjoyed, or a favorite pastime. Avoid delving into overly personal matters that may make them uncomfortable.
Initiate casual conversations about their downtime, but be attuned to cues. If their responses remain vague, respect their privacy. For instance, inquire about a recent vacation and gauge their comfort level. Respect their boundaries if they prefer not to elaborate.
Example: "How was the vacation you've just been on?" "Was quite nice." "Where did you go?" "We went to Greece."; At this point, it is clear they prefer not to talk about it. As soon as they start elaborating though, feel free to ask follow-up questions that allow them to share more of their experience.
Make it a habit to take notes! Some people have an incredible memory, you might be one of them, but notes usually work better.
If they shared details about their hobbies, family, or projects, revisit those topics. This not only showcases your genuine interest but also encourages them to open up in areas where they feel comfortable.
As before, this must stem from a real interest in learning more. A regular "How is your amateur league football team doing?" | "Good." will not cut it. Do you actually care how they are doing and why?
Explore less personal topics, such as local exhibits, restaurants, or sports events. Try to find common ground to explore together. Pay attention to their level of engagement and remember their preferences. Avoid repetitively asking about areas they've shown disinterest in, ensuring your inquiries actually align with their interests.
Rather than pushing for personal stories, use questions to deepen your understanding of their experiences. People often volunteer information organically, and asking thoughtful questions allows for a more natural exchange.
Use follow-up questions about things you are generally interested in. Be mindful and balanced though, do not turn this into an interrogation.
If you're hesitant about personal sharing, remember that it doesn't have to be deeply intimate. You do not have to share things about your kids if you are not comfortable with it. Choose topics you're comfortable discussing, whether it's the latest book you read or a recent experience.
Should you struggle with social anxiety, it often helps to prepare well for the times, when you might be spending time with your colleagues. Have a few stories ready that you are willing to share: A book I've read, a restaurant I've been to, an activity I am currently into.
There is no need to actively stress about exactly what you are going to say next. This way you are not listening and it will be difficult for anyone to meaningfully engage with you.
A better strategy is to regularly consume media about good leadership, active listening, and effective communication. Read articles, and books, listen to podcasts, whatever is convenient at that time. Do this, especially before social interactions and 1:1 meetings. You will find that in time you are adopting these principles naturally in your interactions.
Spending a minute after a meeting to review what you have said while completing your notes is much more effective in your long-term development than fretting about what to say next during the meeting.
Building a connection with your direct reports is a gradual process that requires sensitivity and authenticity. By respecting their boundaries, showcasing genuine interest, and deploying these strategies thoughtfully, you pave the way for a trusting and supportive professional relationship.
